PapaSeanski

Photo by dbdbrobot

Eat mushrooms. You can’t be successful while hungry. Only eat red and white mushrooms that pop out of floating boxes with question marks on them. That way, if you get hit by an enemy or are too slow dodging a fireball you won’t die. Opening these these surprise boxes can be a little tricky at first though. You have to hit the box from the bottom with your head. Trying to open them with your hands will not work. Eating the Mario way effectively doubles your life, height, and chance of saving the princess!

Check out these sites for yummy mushroom recipes.

http://mushroomrecipes.com/

http://www.mushroomrecipes.us/

http://www.recipezaar.com/recipes.php?q=mushroom

Photo by Joe Mad

Use your head. It’s important to exercise your brain with books, logic puzzles, and the like, but in order to really be successful you must expand on how you use your head. Sometimes you will be faced with an obstacle, usually random floating bricks, that can’t be overcome no matter how clever your thinking is. In situations like these you must use your head to physically break these bricks. Remember, your head must be used to open question mark boxes.

Photo by Pixteca

Collect coins. Sometimes you find pennies, nickels, or even dollar bills on the street. Pick them up and save them till the end of the board or life for a high score. If you find 100 coins you will even get an extra life. Be sure to pick up the special coins that float in the air or inside question mark boxes too. You will hear a special sound that will make you want even more coins.

Photo by Scrags

Wear overalls. The last thing you need when you are giving a boardroom presentation, fighting crime, or rescuing a princess is for your pants to fall down. Wearing overalls insures that your pants will not succumb to gravity’s evil grasp when running after a dragon. The big pockets will allow you to carry large items with ease. Basically, wearing overalls means you dress for function, not fashion.

Photo by Baltimike

Use warps. Sometimes getting from point A to point B can be tedious and time consuming. It’s very hard to climb every step, defeat every enemy, destroy every dungeon and still have time for Starbucks. Life is too short for that. When a warp presents itself, use it to skip some levels. Go to school and get a degree, particularly in plumbing since warps are green sewer piping protruding from the ground.

Photo by Oscar Mota

Be curious. When you pass by a box with a question mark on it, open it. That is the only way you will find enough mushrooms, fire flowers, and other power items to succeed. You only have limited number of lives so its pays to be curious.

Photo by Weeta

Photo by Yaraaa

It happens to all of us. We sit down, take out a blank piece of paper, and then we stare.

And then we stare some more.

You have an essay to write. The odds are stacked against you. It’s you vs. the paper and pen. You fight desperately to finish your first sentence, but the pen immediately puts you in a headlock while the paper gives you an atomic wedgie. You get tossed out the ring, and have to spend the next few hours recovering from the ill effects of atomic wedgie radiation.

But what if you had Hulk Hogan as your tag-team partner? With Hulk nation on your side, you could choke that pen into submission while Hulk body slams the paper. Here are some ways to tag Hulk into the writing ring with you.

Get Hulk Hogan to write for you. For about 50,000 dollars and up, you can get Hulk Hogan to come and personally write your essay, do your homework, or just stare down your teacher until you get an A+. Try to get Hulk to stare down the teacher so that you can just hand in Hulkamania bandanas for future assignments. If you are writing a blog, get Hulk’s signature and copy it to the bottom of all your posts. Hulk Hogan’s signature will lift your writing over his bald head, and throw it into awesomeness.

Photo by Cirofono

Buy a Hulk Hogan action figure. It’s rare, but sometimes I come up just 20 bucks short of the 50,000 needed to book Hogan. My 30 page research paper on the history of peanut butter is no where near done and Hulk is no where in sight. The next best thing is to have my Hulk Hogan action figure pin my paper down for a 3 count, or until it begs for mercy, whichever comes first. After my Hulk action figure pounds those annoying wide margins down to size, I can step in and finish the job. Keep the action figure where it is visible to the paper and pencil at all times so you don’t waste the stare down power of Hulk’s mustache.

Photo by cyancey

Always use a No. 2 pencil or banana. Using any other writing device implies ambiguity as to who is No. 1. If you are truly going to conquer your fear of writing, you must be large and in charge. Writing with a No. 2 pencil means you understand the basic laws of physics, and abide by the hierarchical nature of the universe.

Hulk Hogan and tag-team partner (you). = Numero uno.

All writing tasks = Numero dos.

Break a pencil in half. Pencils and other writing utensils are not protected by the Geneva Convention so you are free to maim, torture, and kill as you please. If a pencil is uncooperative, get Hulk Hogan to break it in half or do it yourself. Leave the broken graphite remains nearby. The other pens and pencils in the vicinity will know their destiny if they resist making beautiful sentences.

Photo by zhurnaly

Wear wrestling tights. Don’t expect to get in the writing ring with Hulk with just your pajamas and expect to win. Dress like you came to wrestle and write. That means no Spider-Man underwear or CareBear socks. And don’t think writing in a suit and tie will make you feel like a professional writer. I have never heard more bologni in my life. All that does is make it easier for someone to take you by that leash around your neck and toss you into a garbage can. Instead wear bright neon tights, so you are harder to grab by your opponent.

Photo by Courtney Nash

Listen to your theme song. I’ve read propaganda on other blogs and websites that say you should listen to music to boost your creative rocket ship into space. This is not true. You need a theme song that will give your writing topics the heebie jeebies. You need an anthem that will make consonants and vowels assemble themselves into words out of fear. Be careful what you pick. Listening to the Knight Rider theme song would be acceptable, but playing any of David Hasselhoff’s attempts at music will banish you to wackville.

Make a wrestling ring. Some people say that you should organize a work space if want to be more productive. That may be true if you want to churn out meaningless excel spreadsheets all day for your supervisor. But if you want to conquer your fear of writing, then you have to make a battlefield, not a cubicle. You can’t expect Hulk Hogan to help you much in an office or cubicle anyway. You need a wrestling ring. Where do you think the Declaration of Independence was written? In a wrestling ring.

Photo by emme-dk

Get to the point. More is not always better. There is no need to fill up page after page of fluff. Hulk Hogan hates fluff. Why be scared to write 10 pages of crap when you can just write a Hulk Hogan quote at the top of the page. Think about it from the reader’s perspective. Would you rather sift through paragraph after paragraph until to find a sentence worth reading, or would you rather have Hulk Hogan bring the heat with just a stomp or two. Write like you are hitting someone over the head with a chair when the referee not looking. Don’t write like you are trying to tickle Tickle Me Elmo to death.

Photo by Ckirkman

Real Name: Frederick McFeely Rogers
Aliases: Mister Rogers.
Identity: Known by children and neighbors throughout the universe.
Citizenship: Has dual citizenship on planet Earth and the Neighborhood of Make Believe.
Occupation: Television host, song writer, presbyterian minister, puppeteer.
Group Affiliation: PBS
Education: Studied at Dartmouth College and then transferred to Rollins College in Winter Park, Florida. He received a BA in music composition in 1951, and has 40 honorary degrees.
First Appearance: Mister Rogers’ Neighborhood began airing in 1968

History: A distinguished member of some Make Believe civilization, Frederick McFeely Rogers was born on Asteroid 26858 Misterrogers. His galaxy was in danger of imploding, because the gravitational pull of the highly dense cardigan sweater matter was reaching critical mass. Frederick Rogers was sent on a mission by his home planet with King Friday XIII to spread cardigan sweaters across the universe, bringing gravitational equilibrium back to his home galaxy.

On March 20, 1928, Rogers was showing Kind Friday XIII how to blow bubbles wtih Liquid Detergent. In an erroneous water to soap ration calculation, soap spilled all over the spaceship’s navigation control causing a crash landing on the nearest planet able to sustain cardigan based life. That planet, was planet Earth. On this planet Frederick Rogers would only be known as Mister Rogers. Some scientists believe that his first and middle name were burned in Earth’s atmosphere when his spaceship, Skuttlebutt, crash landed. The day of this crash landing would later be considered Mister Rogers’ Earthday birthday.

The cosmic force of Mister Rogers’ sweater forced a Pennslyvania family, with the same last name, to adopt him immediately. His new family taught him the fundamentals of puppetry and music, as well as play the piano and sing. After college, Mister Rogers later became a member of PBS, the Public Broadcasting Station, where he began his most famous television show, Mr. Rogers’ Neighborhood. This was after his first attempt at entertaining children with his hour long show Lets Stare at Sweaters, which was canceled 20 mintues into the airing of the first episode.

Soon Fred Rogers would find a special trolley train that, when coupled with his singing ability, had enough power to warp Mister Rogers between Earth and his home galaxy, the Make Believe Neighborhood astroid belt. This connection between the two worlds allowed Mister Rogers to store enough cardigan sweaters in his closet on Earth to restore cardigan balance, stopping his galaxy from imploding under its own cosmic cardigan energy.

Strength Level: At full power, Mister Rogers demonstrates class 10 stength and incredible stamina when wearing mom-made cardigan sweaters. He can pick up an inifinite amount of sweaters, and efficiently disperse them to those that need them. Hosting the longest running PBS show that includes 998 episodes is a testament to this.

Special Abilities: Has the ability to instantly make you his neighbor when he sings the song “Won’t you be my Neighbor.” It doesn’t matter if there is a house directly in between you and Mister Rogers. The electromegnetic force of the song will warp time and space such way that you will be his neighbor.

Mister Rogers can assume the identity of any neighbor in the Neighborhood of Make Believe world through special puppet metaphysics. He has been known to change his voice to perfectly mimic King Friday XIII and Queen Sara Saturday (named after his wife), rulers of the neighborhood, as well as X the Owl, Henrietta Pussycat, Daniel the Striped Tiger, Lady Elaine Fairchild (named for Fred’s sister, Elaine) and Donkey Hodie.

With zero dancing experience, Mister Rogers can simply touch your shoulder, and can download any break dancing abilities from your mind at furious speeds as shown is this episode. Within seconds, he can serve neighborhood villains crushing defeats with pop and lock action. You just got served.

Mister Rogers has the uncanny ability to remember to feed the goldfish at the end of every episode. With a simple flick of the wrist, he puts in the exact amount of food as to not cause a single particle of waste. The preciseness of his efficient fish feeding ability is constantly researched by car companies in hopes of one day producing a more efficient fish feeding vehicle.

The superior knitting ability of Mister Rogers’ Earth mother gives him fantastic rejuvenation powers that would make Wolverine jealous. Nobody knits faster than Mister Rogers’ mom. Nobody.

Mister Rogers’ shoes are made of a special make believe alloy that allows him to walk without making the slightest sound. He has been known to stop Rice Krispies from snap, crackle, and popping, while wearing these shoes.

Mister Rogers can scan the thoughts of any congressman or senator, and synthesize goosebumps on their skin using cardigan energy. His telepathic powers were used to save public television and the VCR from extinction while testifying in congress during his lunch break.